So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
