why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
