I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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