she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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