dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
