After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize