It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
