Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
