No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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