just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
