I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
