people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
