So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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