Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
