It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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