We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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