it wasn't lemon gatorade
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
