My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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