I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
