i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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