I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
