Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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