she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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