I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
