Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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