not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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