I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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