I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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