We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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