the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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