goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
