It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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