So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
