Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
