YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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