Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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