This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
