We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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