well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
