If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm jealous of your bromance
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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