You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
