i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
