Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
