i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The air was thick with penises
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
