her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
