i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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