Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
