I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
