and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
