dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
