words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
