Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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