she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
