I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
