Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
