Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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