I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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