i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
