Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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