I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
my liver is dry heaving
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
