are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
