Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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