Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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