I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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