Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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