I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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