Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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