he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
