That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
