I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
