Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.