clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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