No stitches, just platelets and will power
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.