It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT