So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.