I met the friendliest cop last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.