happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
