im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm always down for nudity.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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